Asking myself what...

So we've been hangin' out, having family dinners, getting to know the friends and family, as well as checked out the fab sights (crabbin' at the Bay, beer sampling at the brewery, farm marketing, fishing at the Lake, berry-picking at the farms) and well, generally taking in each other's company without all the questions of the future. His family is just wonderful, his friends are so fun, and him? well, i can't ask for a better guy :-) (sheesh, mushy me. argh...)

I find myself asking all those questions though, like how far can i give myself for this guy, will this last, how will this end, and all that jazz. It scares the shit out of me how this will end. It's the present, i constantly tell myself, that really matters right now. Live the life, and well, hope for the best. I have never been so scared in my life...

Tonight i finally get to speak to him like it was yesterday. The truth in his eyes was all i need to know that yes, he feels the same way, and yes, even though it is so far away and so remotely not in sight, he hopes the same for us as i do. Wishful thinking? perhaps. But i love him and he is mine, even if it's just for now. I love him with his simple smile, and his fervent need to know that i am ok, that i will be all right, that things will work out, somehow. I love him in my dreams, i love him in the now, i love him into whatever may come...

:-) God, please let me survive Friday with a steady smile and a hopeful future